ANXIETY DIARY - 01
(...) Thank God I found shortcuts throughout my hardest days and I’ve built a successful brand “anyway”. (...)
To all of you that have come this far with me , I want to take a second to say thank you. I wish I could express how much this journey means to me. Ever since the beginning I’ve kept my personal struggles clear and transparent with all of you guys. I generally share my experiences after I’m done dealing with them and healing from them but unfortunately this chapter is taking too long and I’m feeling a massive need to let this out of my chest.
Fortunately or unfortunately I suffer from anxiety and with all “of this” happening , my anxiety has been rough and each day, harder to manage. (If you’re interested, take a second to read the highlight on our instagram page , where I go a lil deeper in detail of my journey.)
The absence of clarity of the future has been making it hard to be present , has been suffocating my peace , my confidence, my creativity. I’ve built Iris Jewelry with my faith on top of my anxiety , literally. Only those that ever experienced this will understand how hard it is to be consistent and focus but thank God I found shortcuts throughout my hardest days and I’ve built a successful brand “anyway”. Somedays I won , some my anxiety did but we found a lovely balance and between the anti-social , hard working , lonely years , Iris Jewelry happened. What a blessing!!!
The days I felt like giving up I worked harder and you guys divinely “helped me” move forward but lately , sadly , nothing is happening how I wish it would. The issues are far from my reach which creates even more tension. Have been really hard to surrender and trust the unknown.
Somedays I feel like I’m fading...I feel like I’m losing power, but then I suddenly feel God whispering that everything will be ok , gently giving me so many beautiful new ideas. I see them when I sleep , when I close my eyes...the visions are so beautiful I’m grateful for them already even tho I didn’t even execute them yet.
Somedays I feel cold and I feel like being in the sun so I can warm my emotions. Somedays I feel alone surrounded by people that genuinely love me. Guess the best thing that happened ever since covid was the strength I found to workout. My body beautifully changed and that brings me so much joy , peace and confidence. Yes , I am in love with every inch of my body and there’s still room for anxiety. Somedays I feel like myself during the day and at night I feel afraid to fall asleep cause only God knows how I will wake up the next morning. Somedays I feel excited for the new collection but then I remember that the manufacturer is closed and that the second wave is approaching. Somedays I go to church and ask for guidance and clarity , I ask for my creativity to meet me again , to hold me , to stay with me , to grab me , hold me and take me where I’m meant to go. Somedays I feel like I’m not home laying down on my couch next to my family that couldn’t love me any harder...how exhausting!!! Somedays I question why do I have to carry so much? Why me? And if not me , then who? Lord I question so many things and the presence of those questions make me feel so guilty. Somedays like today, I just want to give my hand to someone that might be feeling the same and if that’s “your” case , I just want to say that “it’s ok , you’re not alone.”
Before this gets too deep and my tears cover my entire screen lol Let me say “thank you” and kindly ask that you guys “stay” with me. I’m glad I’m now able to understand that I need to walk on my own speed and that I can’t allow anything to rush me. The pressures I carry are too heavy already, I can’t add any kind of extra weight to it. This was what God created , this is who I am. I will fight my battles so I can trust and believe that there’s a bigger purpose to all of this...not only for me but for all of us.
What’s coming for Iris Jewelry is breathtaking and I pray God will continue to whisper it to me every time I pray so I can deliver it to you guys and make all of this be worthy.
We will be ok.
Love you all